When he died at the end I was almost happy.

So king kong, is without a doubt, the worst game I have played within the last 3-5 years. What bothers me about this though is how GOOD everyone claimed it was back when it was released around the launch of the 360.

I hate this game for making me realize that there are times when fighting T-rexes with a giant monkey isn't totally awesome.

To be fair, the king kong segments WOULD be awesome, if you didn't have to mash yourself into early onset arthritis on the b button just to fucking do anything. There's literally a segment where you fight three t-rexes at once, and every time they grab you, to survive you have to MASH THE B BUTTON, and to kill them you have to MASH THE B BUTTON, and when you're finally done and your thumb is throbbing you have to MASH THE B BUTTON to open a gate and leave! Then you have to do the same shit over again ten minutes later! I seriously thought only nintendo was fucking stupid enough to think mashing a single button as hard as you can qualified in any way as a game. I didn't rent mario party for God's sake.

The shooter segments are fucking horrible. They literally consist of: Find a stick to ram into a log to use as a lever, find a torch to burn some bushes, shoot some dinosaurs. They then take that formula and copy paste it for 20 fucking levels. Though to be fair a couple levels consist of a single action, like the one where you literally just jump off a bridge. But god damn, I though valve was bad with that see-saw puzzle they put in every half life episode. Running from dinosaurs with a limited supply of ammo should be awesome, but it's not. You HAVE to kill most of them, so it becomes an exercise in saving ammunition and throwing spears.

Also, while purely a cosmetical complaint, the character models are hilariously bad. They look like someone whipped them up in poser over their lunch break, and they move/talk like it too.

This kinda shit would've been embarrasing ten years ago. It would've been embarrassing compared to Daikatana! Why the fuck did everyone love it so much?

The main character is a writer that kills dinosaurs for fuck's sake. It should be awesome!

And yes, I did choke my way through the entire thing for the achievement points. I'm not proud.

Hal

OH SHI- GRENADA!

Wow....so if you've ever wanted to do something mind destroyingly difficult....nay...NIGH IMPOSSIBLE, try playing call of duty 4 on veteran difficulty. This game is literally so hard on its highest difficulty that playing it makes me feel bad about myself. I literally hate myself for playing it so much that I want to give up on the achievements and just send it back, but not only that I want to give up on all the achievements and never play video games again. It's not even the good kind of hard, where one mistake costs you your life. It's the kind of hard that requires luck to see you through, and a momentary frown of the good luck fairy has a thousand bullets hit you square in the face.

Also the lack of checkpoints in between challenging segments makes me want to punch myself in the nuts every time I have to play over 5 minutes or so of gameplay.

I haven't broken a controller yet, but could swear it induced a beserker like fury in me the likes of which hasn't been seen since the norse gods were popular. I'm taking a break now lest the constant tachycardia and high blood pressure weaken my circulatory system too much.

Oh, you think I'm joking...but I'm not.

Of course....actually completing the segments and getting the achievement as proof is the sort of euphoric sensation that you seldom experience on a couch without titties being involved. This kinda shit is something I would have never done before achievements though, and I really have to wonder if those stupid gold stars are worth all this.

Hal